CW: Nudity, Obscured depictions of self-harm

Filmed, edited, and performed by Ruth Holmes

This is not my first foray into the realm of film and video, but it is the most acceptable for the audience of the internet. The first one was a scream, the result of paintings not working how I wanted, not speaking to the viewer. I shifted to something more direct, bought a Canon T6i, and began my journey into the moving image.

This work was completed in 2017, heavily inspired by Carolee Schneemann. In particular, Meat Joy, and how to adapt that sticky ecstasy into a performance completed solo by one queer vegan in their bedroom. I was also eating a lot of PB&J, so it was a viscous ingredient I had immediate access to. Rubbing it in my hair and on my body, experiencing that discomfort during the performance, that was a way to translate the daily discomforts of having a body into a visceral image the audience could be subjected to, even if they didn't quite understand the why of it all.

A hair cut, or some form of grooming, in a constant in my work for awhile after this. Hair is such a key part of queer performativity, so the modification of it felt like an easy way to explore gender and personal identity. Of course this is a known shorthand for transformation, a trope in film to signal change in a character. I'm just doing it in a way that's a weird as possible.